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Children
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| Raising Secure and Confident Children by Michael F. Mascolo, Ph.D. |
The parent-child relationship plays a central role in creating a child’s sense of security and confidence. Although babies enter the
world with many simple abilities, an infant’s behavior only becomes organized when he interacts with other human being – a
caregiver. It is the caregiver who helps to regulate the child’s sleeping and feeding cycle, and who attends to the child’s physical,
social and emotional needs. Over months and years, children develop deep and enduring relationships with their primary caregivers.
Psychologists refer to such relations as attachment relationships.
Secure, emotionally-positive attachments are essential to the development of secure and confident children. Research consistently
shows that the key to helping children develop into secure and confident individuals is to be responsive to their child’s emotional
needs while simultaneously providing sensitive guidance to help children master novel situations.
In her now classic research, Mary Ainsworth identified three broad types of attachment relationships that develop between children and
their caregivers. Different types of attachment develop as a result of differences in the ways in which caregivers respond to children’s
basic biological, social and emotional needs. The most common relationship is the secure attachment. Secure attachment
relationships develop when caregivers are responsive to a child’s biological, social and emotional and needs. With a responsive
caregiver, children come to learn that the caregiver will be there for the child at times of stress. In a secure relationship, the child
comes to see the caregiver as a secure base from which he can to explore the world. The child feels secure enough to explore the
world; however, when the child feels emotionally stressed, he knows that he can return to the parent in order to feel secure again.
Secure attachments help to produce secure and confident children.
Children develop avoidant attachment relationships with caregivers who tend to be dismissive of their children’s emotional needs.
Children in avoidant attachment relationships tend to avoid their rejecting caregivers. Although they are able to explore new
situations, they do so in a less competent manner than secure children. When situations become difficult or stressful, they often fail
to turn to their caregivers for assistance or emotional reassurance. As a result, they become less competent than their secure peers.
They also fail to develop effective ways of regulating their emotions in stressful situations.
In ambivalent attachment relationships, caregivers are inconsistently available to fulfill their children’s emotional needs. As a result,
children develop ambivalent relationships with their caregivers. Such children often display a poverty of exploration in new situations.
They often are preoccupied with gaining the affection and attention of their caregiver. They may simultaneously attempt to avoid and
affiliate with their caregivers.
Infants who develop secure relationships with their caregivers develop into secure and confident children (and even adults). In
contrast, avoidant children have internalized dismissive relationships; ambivalent children internalize ambivalent relationships.
Research shows that children of secure attachment relationships tend to be more competent, empathic, and socially responsive than
their avoidant and ambivalent peers. Some researchers have produced convincing evidence that early attachment relationships even
carry forward into adult relationships.
To understand why secure relationships produce secure and competent children, imagine an everyday interaction involving responsive
caregiver. A three-year old child is playing quietly on the floor in the middle of the living room. Every now and then, she glances up
to smile and share a positive experience with her caregiver. Unexpectedly, a neighbor arrives at the door with his new Chihuahua.
The bouncy little dog approaches the child. Frightened, the child rushes to her caregiver for protection. The caregiver, mindful of the
need to reassure the child, picks her up and calms her. After a few minutes, however, the caregiver gradually helps the child
approach the dog, reassuring the child that no harm will come. Soon, the child’s fear begins to wane. Warily, she is able to pet the
dog.
Over time, repeated interactions like these have profound effects on a developing child. Specifically, because of the adult’s
responsive support, a child learns:
Of course, there are many processes that work together in the development of secure, confident children. And there are more than
simply three types of relationships that develop between children and the significant people in their lives. Nonetheless, research like
this shows the importance of the responsive care and sensitive guidance in the development of secure, confident and competent
children.
Further Reading
Karen, R. (1998). Becoming attached: First relationships and how they shape our capacity to love. Oxford University Press.
world with many simple abilities, an infant’s behavior only becomes organized when he interacts with other human being – a
caregiver. It is the caregiver who helps to regulate the child’s sleeping and feeding cycle, and who attends to the child’s physical,
social and emotional needs. Over months and years, children develop deep and enduring relationships with their primary caregivers.
Psychologists refer to such relations as attachment relationships.
Secure, emotionally-positive attachments are essential to the development of secure and confident children. Research consistently
shows that the key to helping children develop into secure and confident individuals is to be responsive to their child’s emotional
needs while simultaneously providing sensitive guidance to help children master novel situations.
In her now classic research, Mary Ainsworth identified three broad types of attachment relationships that develop between children and
their caregivers. Different types of attachment develop as a result of differences in the ways in which caregivers respond to children’s
basic biological, social and emotional needs. The most common relationship is the secure attachment. Secure attachment
relationships develop when caregivers are responsive to a child’s biological, social and emotional and needs. With a responsive
caregiver, children come to learn that the caregiver will be there for the child at times of stress. In a secure relationship, the child
comes to see the caregiver as a secure base from which he can to explore the world. The child feels secure enough to explore the
world; however, when the child feels emotionally stressed, he knows that he can return to the parent in order to feel secure again.
Secure attachments help to produce secure and confident children.
Children develop avoidant attachment relationships with caregivers who tend to be dismissive of their children’s emotional needs.
Children in avoidant attachment relationships tend to avoid their rejecting caregivers. Although they are able to explore new
situations, they do so in a less competent manner than secure children. When situations become difficult or stressful, they often fail
to turn to their caregivers for assistance or emotional reassurance. As a result, they become less competent than their secure peers.
They also fail to develop effective ways of regulating their emotions in stressful situations.
In ambivalent attachment relationships, caregivers are inconsistently available to fulfill their children’s emotional needs. As a result,
children develop ambivalent relationships with their caregivers. Such children often display a poverty of exploration in new situations.
They often are preoccupied with gaining the affection and attention of their caregiver. They may simultaneously attempt to avoid and
affiliate with their caregivers.
Infants who develop secure relationships with their caregivers develop into secure and confident children (and even adults). In
contrast, avoidant children have internalized dismissive relationships; ambivalent children internalize ambivalent relationships.
Research shows that children of secure attachment relationships tend to be more competent, empathic, and socially responsive than
their avoidant and ambivalent peers. Some researchers have produced convincing evidence that early attachment relationships even
carry forward into adult relationships.
To understand why secure relationships produce secure and competent children, imagine an everyday interaction involving responsive
caregiver. A three-year old child is playing quietly on the floor in the middle of the living room. Every now and then, she glances up
to smile and share a positive experience with her caregiver. Unexpectedly, a neighbor arrives at the door with his new Chihuahua.
The bouncy little dog approaches the child. Frightened, the child rushes to her caregiver for protection. The caregiver, mindful of the
need to reassure the child, picks her up and calms her. After a few minutes, however, the caregiver gradually helps the child
approach the dog, reassuring the child that no harm will come. Soon, the child’s fear begins to wane. Warily, she is able to pet the
dog.
Over time, repeated interactions like these have profound effects on a developing child. Specifically, because of the adult’s
responsive support, a child learns:
- To trust that the caregiver will be available to help in times of stress
- How to master the various types of difficult events that cause stress
- How to regulate her emotions during times of stress
- That she is worthy of love and care from others
- To feel secure and confident in her self and her ability to act in the world
Of course, there are many processes that work together in the development of secure, confident children. And there are more than
simply three types of relationships that develop between children and the significant people in their lives. Nonetheless, research like
this shows the importance of the responsive care and sensitive guidance in the development of secure, confident and competent
children.
Further Reading
Karen, R. (1998). Becoming attached: First relationships and how they shape our capacity to love. Oxford University Press.